Last week for Family Home Evening, I felt impressed to give the lesson based on a talk that I remembered from General Conference about 10 years ago. It was called "But if Not" by Elder Simmons of the Seventy. It is amazing what seems to stick with you, but looking back on what I was going through at the time, I shouldn't be surprised.
April of 2004 was right in the thick of some really difficult personal challenges for me. I was planning to attend college at Weber State University, and had been accepted as a pre-med student. At that time, I worked at Quest Diagnostics in the Histology department. A colleague of mine was working to get me a job at her old place of employment, Ogden Regional Medical Center, in their Histology department, so I could help work and go to school. Also at that time, I was going to many doctors trying to figure out what was going on with my body. I was having headaches, muscle weakness, memory and speech difficulties, among other things. I had seen many specialists, and it finally seemed that the answer was Multiple Sclerosis. I was also hoping to be able to go to the temple, which my bishop said no to, because I was neither getting married, nor going on a mission.
Now, with all of that going on, this talk spoke of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego. They were faced with the choice of worshipping a golden idol, set up by their Babylonian captors' King, or face death in a fiery furnace. They resisted idol worship, asserting their faith that God would deliver them... But if not, they still would not worship the golden idol.
This message caught my ear. I had faith that God could heal my body, and make it possible for me to attend college like I had hoped, prayed and desired. I had faith that he could change my bishop's mind about my temple endowment. I had faith that my savings could be replenished (that had been spent on medical bills, instead of college as I had planned), so that I could attend school with minimal debt. I had faith in all of these things... But would I still have faith, even if none of these things came to pass?
Though Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego were delivered from the furnace in a miraculous way, I did not fare so well. I lost my job in May of that year, I never did make it to college, my body was not healed, and I still do not have much money in savings. But, I do have faith in the Lord. As my faith has been tested, I have learned something about myself in the process. I have discovered that my faith has grown out of that childish bravado that all will be as hoped for, and I am learning that God has a much better plan. I have learned that I do have faith in His Plan and His Timing.
I remember those days very well! I, too, have faith that things turn out for our good, and in the Lord's own due time. You have grown in wisdom, strength, and in many ways, including in faith. I wish things weren't quite so hard sometimes (for you and me both), but we wouldn't be who we are today, would we? Keep the faith and things will turn out.
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